1.01.2005
Happy New Year!
"I’m thinking of you, and all the things that you wanted me to be, and I’m trying now..." ~Lenny Kravitz, 5
Sometimes my life seems so friggin' lame, but then...I actually like it like that. Four years ago I brought the new year in trying as best I could to stump some sense into the head of a brother who took my kindness for weakness. As a result 2001 blessed me with one ass whippin' after another, so for 2002 I decided to keep my black ass home and bring the new year in nice and sober. And what do you know, peace fell upon the land. So its become somewhat of a tradition to spend new year's eve in doors, with Sdot, a friend or two, and peace of mind. This year was no different.
As the clock whined down on 2004 and the others (Sdot, his younger brother, sister and good friend Trelaine) counted the seconds to 2005 with Regis, I was happily and quietly in the other room looking for any and everything I could find on craig's list. Part of me felt I should join them during the last 15 or so seconds 'til 2005, while the other realized for so many others across the world the New Year had already come and gone, so why all the fuss? I had already made it; my ship had come. The year that at one point seemed to never quit f'n the shit out of me had finally come to an end. I's was finally free! Free I tell you! Free indeed!
The more you know the more you're responsible for, is a saying I've been repeating aloud and to myself for years. I know 2004 can and will drag its no good ass right into 2005 if I don't change my friggin' attitude. I know a new year means nothing if my thoughts are all the same. The choice to free myself is mine...and unless I actually take the steps necessary to do just that I will no doubt spend this year waiting for 2006 to save me from 2005. And so I will not make resolutions. I will not sell myself dreams I know good and well my spirit is not fully ready or even willing to materialize. I will however continue to work on Chris. On his shit. His doubts. His fears. His heart. Maybe, through this work I will begin to understand *everyday* is yet another day to get this shit right.
Here's to second, third even fourth chances! The world is yours!
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Sometimes my life seems so friggin' lame, but then...I actually like it like that. Four years ago I brought the new year in trying as best I could to stump some sense into the head of a brother who took my kindness for weakness. As a result 2001 blessed me with one ass whippin' after another, so for 2002 I decided to keep my black ass home and bring the new year in nice and sober. And what do you know, peace fell upon the land. So its become somewhat of a tradition to spend new year's eve in doors, with Sdot, a friend or two, and peace of mind. This year was no different.As the clock whined down on 2004 and the others (Sdot, his younger brother, sister and good friend Trelaine) counted the seconds to 2005 with Regis, I was happily and quietly in the other room looking for any and everything I could find on craig's list. Part of me felt I should join them during the last 15 or so seconds 'til 2005, while the other realized for so many others across the world the New Year had already come and gone, so why all the fuss? I had already made it; my ship had come. The year that at one point seemed to never quit f'n the shit out of me had finally come to an end. I's was finally free! Free I tell you! Free indeed!
The more you know the more you're responsible for, is a saying I've been repeating aloud and to myself for years. I know 2004 can and will drag its no good ass right into 2005 if I don't change my friggin' attitude. I know a new year means nothing if my thoughts are all the same. The choice to free myself is mine...and unless I actually take the steps necessary to do just that I will no doubt spend this year waiting for 2006 to save me from 2005. And so I will not make resolutions. I will not sell myself dreams I know good and well my spirit is not fully ready or even willing to materialize. I will however continue to work on Chris. On his shit. His doubts. His fears. His heart. Maybe, through this work I will begin to understand *everyday* is yet another day to get this shit right.
Here's to second, third even fourth chances! The world is yours!
